Mondays with Moms

Welcome to our summer series on the CenterPeace blog, featuring stories from moms of LGBTQ sons and daughters! Our first contribution from a mom comes from my friend, Liz Moore. Liz and her husband, Chris, are members of the Highland Oaks Church where Liz is on staff. Thanks, my friend, for sharing your heart for your son!

 

As I think back to when we first found out our son was gay, I think the first thing I experienced was shock. He was a senior in high school and our son had always had a girlfriend so the thought never really entered my mind. My husband had suspected but he was trying to shield me from it in case he was wrong. Honestly, I don’t really remember a lot about that first conversation. I remember there were tears because I was afraid for him. I remember asking how it could be possible. But I also remember telling him I loved him and that we would work it out.

Of course, you really have no idea what having a gay child means until you come face to face with it; I don’t really know what “work it out” meant. Deep down I think I thought it was a phase, something he just thought because we knew some of his friends were gay. I remember thinking it was because this was a Rent generation and it was the cool thing to be. Rent was the big musical at the time – of course, now I know this thinking is ridiculous! I remember thinking, how is this even possible? He had long term girlfriends his whole life. Knowing more now about having a gay son, I know that a lot of gay guys have lots of girlfriends and hang out with girls all the time.

Then one night our son came to us crying. He told us that he had prayed his whole life for God to take this away from him and He wouldn’t and he just could not fight it anymore. In that moment, I knew. I knew it was not a choice for him. I knew it was who he was, who God had created him to be. In that moment, I think I loved him even more. We told him we didn’t know what all of this looked like, but we would always be there for him, no matter what.

What I wish I had known when I first found out, was how hard it was going to be for him to reconcile being a Christian and being gay. If I had known that, and the struggles and demons he would have to face, I might have better understood the turmoil that was going on inside of him. But God knew, and He was there every step of the way. And those struggles have made him into the amazing man he is today. The only thing we could think to do, was to love our son no matter what. Through all the dark valleys, he always knew we loved him and he knew that he could always come home. The one thing I would say to a parent who has just found out, is to love them like you have never loved them before. And don’t stop… no matter what.

Chris, Liz Moore, Jeremy, Mason & family

 

14 Thoughts

  1. “you really have no idea what having a gay child means until you come face to face with it”. I’ve rehearsed this phrase so many times in preparation for the hard conversations we are facing. It’s frightening but God is right beside us.

  2. What would Jesus say to him? I believe the first thing he would say is, “I love you, and I am here for you.” That’s what it’s all about. You did it right. God bless your family.

  3. Liz, my sweet friend. Thank you so much for opening your heart. For being brave. And for modeling love. ❤️

  4. Thank you for sharing your heart. My son, a jr in high school, came out to us last fall. While it was not our dream for him, I would not change a thing about our precious boy. We have left our very conservative and intolerant church and it was heartbreaking but necessary. I’m praying that he will find a loving Christian community of acceptance and that we will find the support of other Christian parents who are on the same journey.

    1. Please let us know how we can be of support to you and your son. Most of all, we want your son to be included in a loving faith community that will continue helping him grow into a faithful follower of Christ. We know places – let us know if we can help!

      1. Thank you so much, Sally. If you know of any resources where we live in southern New Hampshire please let me know. He needs to know that there is a Christian community that will love him and encourage him to deeper faith.

  5. Thanks for sharing Liz. As a CP groupie and mother of a daughter who identifies as gay, I’m working on my blog piece. Just like you said, you never know how you will respond until it’s your own child. We don’t face or wrestle with our beliefs until they are challenged.

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