I was unprepared for the emotional whiplash I experienced when my son first told us he was “gay.”
I had no idea how scared he was and how much courage it took for him to say those two words, “I’m gay,” especially at 14 years old.
At the time I did not know what to say, so I said I love you and then called a counselor. The counselor could not see us for about one week. I was so scared of saying the wrong thing that I did not say anything and was waiting for the counselor to help us communicate. I wish I had known that my silence was terrifying for Jordyn and that I really couldn’t say the wrong thing as long as it was said out of love.
I pulled out my Bible and read every scripture on homosexuality, even pulling bits and pieces out of context to make my point.
I did not know that my child had been studying those scriptures and reading and trying to make sense of the feelings he was having.
I did not know he had been praying and begging God to change those feelings for years.
I had never really thought about any LGBT issues and believed that this was a lifestyle choice. I wish I had known that for Jordyn this was not a choice but it was how he was beautifully and wonderfully made.
Since this first admission Jordyn has since come to us as a transgender female. Jordyn told us that she did not have the words to tell us three years ago how she was
really feeling, and that telling us “I’m gay” was probably something we would at least understand. Jordyn was probably right. I had never really thought about being gay, much less transgender.
I have learned to listen and love.
The number one thing I have learned is to communicate, no matter how difficult the conversations.
And when I do not understand the lingo….ask.