Thankful for the heart of another mom who loves her children fiercely. All of them. Here’s a new post from my friend, Dawn Domasig.
Questions swirled in my head. Where did I go wrong as a Mom? Who can I share this with that would not judge me or my son? How many friends would my son lose if they knew? How many friends would I lose? Would he lose his scholarship, or worse, be kicked out of the Christian College he was attending if they knew he came out as gay? How do I lead my other two children through this?
I felt like answers were slow in coming. Caught in what we now understand to be the “Second Closet,” when parents are afraid to share this for fear of isolation and shaming towards themselves and their child, we didn’t know who would be safe. And, with most church leaders being men, who does a Mom talk to who would understand the fierce love a Mom has for her children?
A long time minister and friend pointed us in the direction of Sally Gary and CenterPeace. A parent support group was just starting up and, desperate for connection, we were at that first meeting. Sitting in Sally’s living room, raw with emotion and pain, we heard other families share their stories. Through the tears, I shared my story and felt such great relief that I was in a safe place to share. I also felt deep compassion for the other parents in that group – parents that have become lifelong friends in our journey of loving without condition.
Reading Sally’s book, Loves God Likes Girls, helped me understand what my son had been trying to share with me about his journey. Old beliefs were torn down as my heart opened to hear the heart of my son. This is not my son’s fault for being gay any more than it is my fault for what I did or did not do in raising a Godly young man. Being gay is not a choice. However, loving others is. I chose to love, to listen, to learn, and to embrace others. God transitioned my heart from a place of loss to a place of strength; a place of judgement to a place of grace and compassion for others; a place of hopelessness to a place of hope because it is only by His power that I can love as He loves.
Our family has always been close. This journey has not been easy by any means but our family is stronger for it. Our son is still the same loving, gentle, kind, and compassionate son he was before we knew he was gay. We have a strong and loving relationship with our son and, through tearful apologies of initially wrong responses, hearts have been healed. And we continue to do life together. We eat, we laugh till our sides hurt, we sing and (sort of) dance, because we are family.
You see, I am not the Mom of a gay son; I am the Mom of three adult children, one who happens to be gay.
“…The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6b